Dirty Jokes – Let’s Hear ‘Em!

4 Nov

I LOVE jokes.  It runs in my family.  My grandfather, whom I was not fortunate enough to meet before he passed away, was a big joker.  Also, fun fact – I was born on April Fool’s Day.  You can’t NOT have a life full of hilarity with a birthday like that, right?  I have a few awesome stand-bys that aren’t dirty, but…here are a few of my all-time favorite sex-related jokes.  Ask me to tell them in person sometime!  I guarantee it’s even funnier than reading them.

WARNING: These jokes involve sluttery, beastiality, and bondage, as well as women and men who are portrayed in a painfully stereotypical fashion.  They are NOT politically correct.  This blog is primarily about sex positivity, gender equality, respecting one another, etc.  But…sometimes you just gotta break bad.  The inappropriateness of these jokes is precisely what makes them so funny.  If you can’t laugh at yourself…I’ll do it for you. 🙂 So, let’s all take off our proper hats and put on our big kid undies instead, mmkay?  (You may even opt to put them on your head, in place of the afforementioned hats.  It’s up to you.)  Alternately, you can simply skip reading these jokes, if you feel they may offend you.  Otherwise…

Enjoy!

  • In the lobby of a hotel, a man turns to leave the front desk after checking in.  He accidentally bumps into the woman waiting behind him, elbowing her in the breast.  He apologizes profusely, saying, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”  She replies, “If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 216.”
  • A man was finishing up plans to take a weekend camping trip with his buddies.  After his friends left, his wife protested, “I’d much rather you stay home this weekend.  We can have a little alone time…You can tie me up and then do whatever you want!”  So, the man called up his friends and told them that he would be unable to make it.  They were disappointed, but decided to go without him.  When they arrived at the camp site, they found the man already there!  They asked him what happened with his wife.  “Well, she said I could tie her up and do whatever I wanted, soo…here I am.”
  • A man walks into a bar.  In the corner, there’s a dog laying and licking himself. The man takes a seat, gestures to the dog, and says to the bartender, “Wow, I wish I could do that.”  The bartender says, “I don’t know, buddy…You’d better buy him a drink first.”

What are your favorites?  Let’s hear ’em!

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